Memories Lost, Feelings Not
by DariceF
Summary: Maura has been acting strange, and suddenly Jane discovers the brutal truth. She tries to help Maura through the initial process of trying to understand what's happened but it's very difficult and she often questions if she'll be okay. TRIGGER WARNING:Rape This was originally going to be a one-shot, but after reading the feedback I have decided to continue :) Coming soon!


CHAPTER 1

Maura became frustrated at her lack of memory; the room seemed to heat up as she searched for something, anything, that could tell her what happened last night.

"Why is it so warm in here?" she asked, yanking her sweater off. She looked over a Jane, whose face had suddenly changed, a look of concern shot across it.

"Maura how did you get those bruises?"

Maura looked down at her arm, and noticed five large purple welts that stood out against her pale skin.

She rested her hand gently over the bruises and suddenly brutal images of the previous night rushed back to her.

"I was in the parking lot," she said. Her throat was dry and she could barely get the words out.

"He came up behind me, he pinned me down. He…" she trailed off, as if her mind had caught up with the word she was about to say.

"No." The word came out on shaky breath, in horror. Jane watched as Maura's eyes widened and the grip she had on her own arm seemed to tighten. Jane was immediately up from her chair and at Maura's side. She was breathing heavy but she needed to hold it together, for Maura.

"We should get you to the hospital and get you checked out." She tried to be calm and reassuring but it just wasn't possible. There was nothing okay about this. Nothing.

Jane continued to look at the bruises; worrying about how many more were under that dress. Maura slouched in the chair, her arms folded around herself, and Jane couldn't help but notice how her thighs were pressed tightly together. She had seen this when she'd interviewed other rape victims. She remembered it as being a form of subconscious self-defense.

"Jane, I don't remember." Her voice was panicky. Jane crouched beside her and tried to look in her eyes but they were hazed over. A tear escaped down her check.

"I need to be processed," she whispered, almost robotically. That scared Jane. When something really bad happened Maura became detached and robotic, spouting millions of her random scientific facts.

"Not until you're ready," Jane replied soothingly, trying not to upset her friend even more.

"Evidence is better sooner," Maura stated. The car ride to the hospital was eerily silent. Jane tried a few times to speak but Maura was still zoned out. When they arrived they were taken into a side room right away. Maura sat still as her blood was drawn. She followed all the instructions as if she was under autopilot. The bruises on her arm were carefully photographed and when that was finished, she was handed a paper evidence bag to put her clothes in. She slowly undid the zipper on her dress and carefully slipped out her arms, letting it drop onto the paper sheet on the floor. Jane had to momentarily turn away as she caught sight of the bruise on Maura's rib cage and the two larger ones on her inner thighs.

Maura looked down at her injuries. She didn't know if she wanted all the memories back, but she felt as if she had to know more than the short clips that she did have. The aching all over her body reminded her that this was real, even though it didn't feel like it.

"Maura, we need your underwear too," Jane said softly. She must have zoned out. She had been there during a rape kit before, but this was different.

Maura laid with her eyes closed and her arms rested gently over her stomach. She had put on the hospital gown the nurse gave her. She looked ill and her skin pale had taken on a slight sheen of sweat. There was knock at the door and a women entered wearing navy blue scrubs and a white coat.

" I'm Doctor Cameron. I'll be doing the exam." Maura opened her eyes but didn't move.

"I'm going to need you to slide to the end of the bed." Doctor Cameron's voice was soft but you could tell she was the kind of woman who could be in charge if she needed to. Maura did as instructed, once again on auto pilot. Jane stood next to her and pulled one of her hands into her own. Maura closed her eyes as the exam began. It brought back the feelings and images she remembered, the ones she didn't want to see.

Jane felt Maura's grip tighten around her hand as the exam progressed. Maura breathed in deeply and winced. It was all too much for her to handle.

After what seemed like hours, Doctor Cameron finally finished the exam. She handed the rape kit to Jane who, as soon as she held the white box in her hands, became overwhelmed with sadness for Maura but also determination. She would find out who did this to her.


End file.
